Ahead of the Darkness Page 20

  I cleaned the bathroom and kitchen from top to toe. Then I swept all the floors, and then mopped them. Colour coordinated Drew’s clothes. Alphabetised all his books, games and DVDs. I ran out of things to do after dusting all the furniture, but had found Windex under the sink. I had just pulled it out when the door slid opened.

  My heart stopped in a moment of panic, thinking that he’d followed me here, broken in downstairs and was going to kill me. It restarted in overdrive when Drew appeared instead. The cleaning fluid hit the floor, spilling everywhere as I dropped it and ran, throwing myself at Drew’s slightly damp form. He caught me and clung like he was my only lifeline. In reality I had only been waiting a few hours, but it felt like a lifetime.

  “Shhh, love, it's okay, I'm here.”

  “I ... I thought ... I thought he might have followed me, or seen you.”

  “I made sure he dinnae.” There was a menace in his voice I didn't quite understand. I broke away from him to look up into his eyes and saw determination and a fierceness I’d never seen.

  “What? What did you do?”

  “Naught, but he cannae hurt you, nae while I'm here.”

  “You're crazy! He's here, he found me. I don't know how, but he did. You can’t protect me from him, no one can. He’ll never stop! For six years he hasn’t stopped trying to find me, but this is the closest he's ever been, physically, at least. I can't risk it.”

  “Ye cannae guaranty that he willnae find ye again, and I cannae lose ye. It would tear me up inside nae knowing where ye are, if ye're safe. Stay with me, here, and I'll keep ye safe ... always.”

  “What?” Always?

  He captured my face in his hands and my eyes franticly searched his, watering at what I found. “I love ye, Mia. Have been for a while now. I was crazy about ye the moment ye fell off that damn treadmill.” No.

  I closed my eyed and pulled my face free. “You can’t.”

  He can’t ...

  “Aye, and I know ye feel it too. This is real.” He indicated between us. “I see how ye look at me, it's in yer eyes. It's in every touch. I feel it when we kiss. Ye try real hard to fight it, but ye cannae keep lying tae yerself anymore.”

  I sucked in a sharp breath. “Everyone I love dies. I can’t ...”

  “Mia.”

  “Don’t.”

  “Nothing’s going to happen to me. I promise.”

  "You can't know that What if he hurts you, or Anne—oh God, Anne!” Oh God, not Anne. Please, not Anne.

  "Dinnae worry, I'll call her."

  All I could think about was going home and finding Anne ...

  "... Aye, she's here, aye. She can stay here, with me, and we'll sort it out. I'll come, nae, stay home. I'll go the long way to be sure he doesn't follow, and pick up her things."

  What?

  I stopped listening. My skin prickled and my heart fell to my stomach. I slowly started backing up towards the door, and did what I did best.

  I ran.

  I ran out Drew’s front door, and left my shattered heart behind.

  "Mia!"

  Drew’s panic-stricken voice came screaming down the stairs, but he was too slow. Distracted by the phone call, he hadn’t seen me leave, and even with his long legs he couldn't catch up. I was out the security door before he'd reached the last flight of stairs.

  "Mia!"

  It was sort of ironic, how fast I was now. Drew couldn't have foreseen I'd be using the training he’d given me against him. I turned left instead of right and ducked down the side alley, desperately hoping he wouldn't hear my footfalls as I rounded the corner.

  It wasn't until I turned left at the end of the alley that I realised where I was going. The few times I had been playing on my phone maps, I had subconsciously been memorising the streets. I couldn't go home along my usual route. Drew would catch up eventually but worse, if he had followed, he'd know where Anne lived, and I couldn't, I couldn't bare the thought of something happening to her, to either of them because of me.

  The guilt burned like acid through my veins, and I ran even faster. Every time I heard the rumbling of a bike or the purr of a car I’d freak, and duck behind a bush or fence.

  No one can find me. I can't be found. Please don't find me ...

  I circled the town and weaved in and out of different streets to come around behind Anne's. My legs burned by the time I arrived. I’d taken a good hour to get there. I stuck to the shadows as I made my way closer to the house making it almost impossible to find me. Just as I’d feared, Drew's bike was in the drive. I was too exhausted to go anywhere else and I couldn't go inside, so I hid in the neighbour’s yard and waited for him to leave. He couldn't stay all night, could he?

  I must have dozed off at some point, because the rumbling of Drew’s bike woke me as he kick-started it.

  "I'll find her, Anne, ye can count on that."

  My heart shattered some more at the desperation masked in his voice. He sounded so sure and so strong, but I could hear the strain, the pain. Drew ... I watched with tear-soaked eyes as he rode off on a futile expedition. I'm sorry ...

  I waited until I couldn't hear the rumble in the distance, and then I left the shrub, tentatively walking towards Anne. She was still on the front step, staring after Drew, looking lost in thought and hugging herself.

  "Anne ...?" She gasped, and clutched at her chest. I did try not to startle her.

  "Oh Heavens, child. You startled me." I walked a little closer and Anne pull out her phone.

  "No, please! Don't call him."

  "Why ever not? He's worried half to death. We’ve both been worried half to death."

  "Better half than all. Please, Anne, he can't know I'm here, not until after I leave. Please."

  "Oh, love ...Well, hurry up and come inside, and tell me what's going on. I won't call the young man." The unspoken yet hung in the air.

  I made the few final steps to Anne, and she pulled me in for a tight hug.

  "I am so pleased you are in one piece." She released me to look at me closer. "You are in one piece?"

  "Externally, yes." I walked inside, and Anne closed and bolted the door behind us. She looked at my puffy eyes, and more concern contorted her face.

  "I'm not injured, I assure you."

  "But hurting all the same. You love the young man, don't you?" I didn't need to think about my response. It had plagued me, fuelled me while I ran.

  "Yes. Most regretfully." I couldn’t help the tears that flowed freely down my face. The dam had well and truly been broken.

  “He loves you too, does he not? I can see it in his concern for you.”

  “Yes. He can’t know I am here, Anne. I don’t want him to come for me. I can’t stay.”

  “Someone wants to hurt you? Is that why you’re leaving?”

  “Yes. I am so sorry to have brought this on you. It was never my intention to put you in harm’s way. I made sure I wasn’t followed. He’s never gotten so close before. I’m so sorry, Anne, so sorry.”

  “Hush, dear, you can’t help these things. I’m not as frail as I seem. I’ll be alright. Now, what is to be done?”

  “I, I have to leave. Right now.”

  “And where will you go?”

  “I ... I don’t know. As far away as I can.”

  “Well then, you will be needing a car.”

  “What? No, Anne, I can’t take your car. I don’t even have a license, I can barely drive.”

  “You can’t very well catch the train and Drew’s told me you’re drive just fine.” When? “I have insurance. I’ll report it stolen, and get a replacement. Stick to the back roads and under the speed limit. You should be fine.” She winked at me. “Come on then, get your things together, and I’ll pack you a bag of food.”

  I was speechless. I hugged Anne tight for several seconds, and ran off to my room. God, how I was going to miss this house, this ... home. Drew wasn’t the only one I’d learnt to care for, and it hurt all the more, having to say goodbye to someone. It was the fir
st time I’d felt anguish at packing my things instead of relief, and I struggled, each item taking longer to place in the bag than the last.

  I finally reached for the last item to pack, kissing the photo of my mother. I put it in the inside slip of my suitcase and sat on my bed, staring at the rest in the mirror. I struggled with the fact I couldn’t bring this life with me into the next. The past haunted me enough as it was. I didn’t think I would survive any more physical reminders. So I left them behind, with the last remnants of my heart.

  “You’ll write, won’t you, dear?”

  Anne tried to hold back tears as she handed me the huge bag of food supplies. I buckled up, and put it all on the passage seat.

  “Yes.” If I can.

  “When you can, of course.”

  “When I can.”

  “And Drew?”

  “Tell him ... tell him ...” I ...

  I couldn’t finish the sentence. I didn’t know how. Anne gave me a small, sad smile.

  “I’ll tell him.”

  I nodded once, starting the car, the familiar anxiety still present, but thanks to Drew, manageable.

  “Thank you, for, for everything,” I yelled out the window as I drove off.

  Chapter Twenty

  Once I’d left Seaford, I followed my phone map to the nearest motorway and kept driving north. The silence in the car was deafening, making it difficult to concentrate. I missed the sound of the train. The soothing clickety clack as it sped along the tracks used to comfort me, but after an hour of nothing but road and no real sound, I struggled to keep my eyes open. The horizon had started to warm with the rich colours of sunrise. The soft amber tones breaking through told me the sun would be up in a few hours, hopefully, helping to keep me awake. I can’t stop.

  My eyes were too heavy to hope the sun would help so I gave in, and remembered the sound system. I fiddled one handed with some buttons on Anne's old stereo until I finally got it working, and hoped whatever was in there wasn't awful. I mentally kicked myself for leaving my MP3 player in the back.

  I sighed in relief when Adele’s “Turning Tables” started to play. It had been one of my favourite songs for so long, but for some reason, the words made me feel uneasy. I hit skip and “Rolling in the Deep” started to play. I sang along at the top of my lungs, right up until the second chorus. The words finally sunk in, and I stumbled on having it all. The lyrics getting stuck in my throat. I sat there, frozen, running on auto-pilot as the words seeped in, throwing salt on my gaping heart.

  I’d reached my fill. I couldn’t handle anymore, and angrily went to hit stop but instead hit skip. The mellow tones of “Someone Like You” filled the car, and my heart broke all over again. My eyes filled with tears and I slammed my foot down on the brake, the car coming to an abrupt halt in the middle of the deserted motorway.

  The tears were relentless as I sat, gripping the steering wheel too tight, my knuckles white with the strain. Each agonising word was more acute than the last, and so perfectly accurate they felt like daggers, hitting me deep. I couldn’t bare the thought of Drew finding someone else, loving someone else. The thought was crippling.

  The pressure was overwhelming and I screamed at the top of my lungs, desperate for some respite. It didn’t help, not enough. I pulled out my seatbelt, roughly yanked opened the car door and got out. I fell against the door, closing it on impact. I kicked it again and again with the base of my shoe. I couldn’t get the sobbing under control, pounded my fists against the car frame but it only made my body ache more. At least it was a tangible pain, one I could hold on to.

  I bashed the door behind me one last time, the impact sending shockwaves up my arms. I slid down the car in a crumpled heap on the asphalt, shattered and broken beyond repair.

  I’d thought I was doing the right thing, leaving. I wanted what was best for Drew; that’s why I left, wasn’t it? He’d find someone else, someone less damaged and without a monster on their tail. I couldn’t risk Drew’s safety because I was selfish enough to stay.

  Images of Drew happily walking down the street with someone else, kissing the side of her forehead, his hand rubbing her swollen belly affectionately. My resolve disintegrated.

  It should be me ...

  I struggled to my feet and gingerly opened Anne’s now dented car door, my hands and wrist throbbing with the effort, and got in. My heart beat faster when I put my foot on the gas, screeching the tyres as I managed to pull off an illegal U-turn in the middle of the motorway.

  “Baiser!”

  I couldn’t breathe. I was going back, for Drew. I had no choice. I needed him; I wanted him. There would never be anyone else. He was everything. He could soothe me like no other, and enrage me in the next breath. He was my passion, and my serenity. I’d left him once and I wasn’t strong enough to do it again.

  I put my foot to the floor, breaking all the speed limits as I headed back to Seaford. I rolled down the window, ejected the CD, and threw it out the window. I made a note to buy Anne a new one. There’d be no goodbyes, no finding some else—I didn’t want to hear about losing anything. I’d find some way to convince Drew to leave with me. He would, wouldn’t he? We couldn’t stay, and he loved me. Even if it was just for a little while, we needed to leave. He would leave with me.

  The hour journey took less than forty-five minutes, and then I was pulling up outside of Drew’s apartment. I sat there for a few moments trying not to hyperventilate before I unclicked my seat belt and rushed out of the car, leaving the engine running and the door open.

  I ran up the three steps to the security door and let myself in. I didn’t pause at finding it unlocked and took the stairs, two at a time. My legs struggled with the exertion, but I powered through and made it to the top of the stairs. I banged on Drew’s door, not caring that it was most likely three or four in the morning.

  The door opened immediately and Drew was standing there with the biggest smile on his face.

  “Mia. You’re here. You came back?”

  I lunged towards him, almost knocking us to the floor.

  “I’ll always come back to you, Drew. I can’t leave you. I love you.”

  I stood up on my tiptoes, locking my fingers around Drew’s neck as he wrapped his arms around my middle, lifting me up so our mouths urgently met. I couldn’t get enough, but there wasn’t time, and I pulled back.

  “Drew.”

  He tried to reach for my lips again, but I loosened my hold around his neck and lowered my feet back to the floor.

  “Stop. We need to leave. Please, come with me. I can’t stay; we can’t stay. He’ll find us.”

  I was crying again, or maybe still, and he lifted his hands up to cup my face, stroking my cheeks softly with the palms of his thumb.

  “I’ll follow ye to the ends of the earth, Ameila. Ye have to know that. In the morning we’ll pack up the car and drive, anywhere ye want. We have time.”

  “It can’t wait Drew.”

  Amelia?

  “When . . . did you start calling me Amelia?”

  “Hmm? Never mind that. I though ye were gone. We can spare a couple of hours before we’re stuck in a car.” His hand came up to gently stroke my face. “I need to hold ye. Come to bed, love. Ye need some rest.”

  His lips met mine again, soft and lingering, and my eyes closed with the kiss, full of promise.

  Amelia?

  My eyes snapped open.

  Amelia.

  I pulled back. My vision blurred, and everything went black . . .

  “Amelia!”

  Splash!

  I gasp and cough at what I vaguely understand to be liquid rolling down my face. My heart starts to race, and I can’t seem to shake the disorientation. I’m so confused. I have no idea where I am, and it’s too dark to see. Before I have time to call out there’s a bright light shining in my face, making me cower up against the wall behind me, closing my eyes to block out sharp sting.

  “What . . .” I cough painfully, my throat a burning
mess, and my jaw aching.

  “It’s not nearly as much fun when you’re not here with me, mon chérié.”

  Oh God. That voice.

  Another splash of water hits my face and I jolt awake again, a little sharper this time.

  “Drew, Drew. We need to leave,” he mimics, and laughs.

  My skin crawls at the sound.

  “There’s no one to save you, and you’re not leaving here. Not alive.”

  I try to take a shattering breath in and cry out, clutching at the stabbing pain in my chest, crying out again as the manacle pulls on my wrist.

  “You chained me?”

  “Where have you been hiding? In your made-up world?”

  Made up? “Drew ...?” I whisper.

  “Not real. You talk, when you pass out, mumbling for Drew. There is no Drew, Amelia. There never was.”

  “You’re lying.”

  He has to be lying. Drew is real. I feel it. I know it was real. It has to be.

  “Then how did you get here? Answer me that.”

  I have nothing. Blank. All I can remember is Drew’s face, his touch.

  “It’s real. He’s real,” I shout out hoarsely.

  I hear footsteps quickly approaching and I snap my eyes open in time to see my father standing over me.

  “You want something real? This.” His foot comes down hard on my left hand, and I feel the bones crunch under his shoe before the excruciating pain registers. I scream out. “Is real.”

  He lifts his foot off my hand and storms off, slamming a door behind him.

  I gingerly lift my hand to my chest, the blood bumping through my hand feeling like razor blades, cradling it as best I can with the limited movement I have. I take shallow breaths, the stabbing heat in my chest making anything more impossible. It’s just pain, I tell myself, it will pass. But I am struggling to stay lucid.

  Shhh. Breathe, love. Breathe

  Drew’s voice lingers in my mind and sob breaks free. He had to be real; the thought of him not is nearly as crushing as the pain in my hand; more so.

  It’s starting to consume me.

  Think, Mia. How did you get here? I try to look through the blinding light, and all I can see is concrete. Nothing but concrete. I’m in a basement, that much is clear, but I think I should have known this already.